The good news is that the Drama Triangle isn’t permanent—it’s a pattern, not a personality. And patterns can be changed. The bridge from drama to delight is emotional intelligence (EQ).
What is EQ?
EQ is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions—our own and others’. It’s what allows us to pause instead of lash out, to set boundaries instead of over-functioning, and to lead with curiosity instead of judgment.
Daniel Goleman, a leading researcher on emotional intelligence, found that EQ is twice as important as IQ and technical skills combined in determining outstanding leadership performance (Goleman, 1998). Harvard Business Review echoes this: 90% of top-performing leaders score high in EQ, and teams led by emotionally intelligent leaders are more engaged, collaborative, and resilient (HBR, 2017).
How EQ disrupts the Drama Triangle:
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Self-awareness helps us recognize when we’re slipping into the Rescuer (“I’m fixing too much”), Victim (“I feel trapped”), or Persecutor (“I’m being harsh”) roles.
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Self-regulation gives us the pause to choose differently, rather than reacting out of habit.
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Empathy helps us see that others are not obstacles, but humans with their own needs and fears.
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Social skills enable us to communicate clearly, set boundaries, and hold accountability without drama.
Client Story: One of my clients, a COO, realized she was constantly rescuing her team—answering emails late at night, jumping into everyone’s projects, and leaving no space for her own strategy work. Once she built self-awareness, she could name the pattern: “I’m rescuing again.” With coaching, she shifted into empathy and coaching questions like, “What’s your next step?” Instead of rescuing, she empowered. Her team grew more accountable, and she reclaimed her evenings.
The science is precise: when leaders step out of drama and into emotional intelligence, they not only protect their own well-being—they transform culture.
Reflection Prompt: What relationship at work or home would feel lighter if you brought more curiosity and less control, more boundaries and less rescuing?
If this resonates with you, please take a Power Pause and book your free call with Coach Clara Lucia TODAY.