Awareness is the spark, but change happens in practice. Breaking out of the Drama Triangle requires conscious, repeated choices that rewire our habits—a process Dr. Judith Wright calls rematrixing. Every time you choose differently, you strengthen new neural pathways and make delight your default, rather than drama.
Here’s the framework I teach my clients:
Step 1 – Notice the Role.
When you feel drained, defensive, or resentful, pause and ask:
- Am I acting like a Victim (powerless)?
- A Rescuer (fixing)?
- A Persecutor (controlling)?
Even naming it is progress—it moves the behavior from unconscious to conscious.
Step 2 – Name the Need.
Underneath each role is a legitimate, unmet need:
- Victim → needs hope, clarity, or empowerment.
- Rescuer → needs rest, boundaries, or trust in others.
- Persecutor → needs respect, clarity, or a sense of safety.
Step 3 – Choose a New Role.
Shift to the healthier alternatives from David Emerald’s Empowerment Triangle:
- Victim → Creator (I do have choices. I can take one small step.)
- Rescuer → Coach (I can ask questions that empower instead of rescuing.)
- Persecutor → Challenger (I can set clear expectations without blame.)
Step 4 – Use the Power Pause.
Take one deep breath before reacting. Ask yourself: Which role am I in? Which empowered role do I want to choose instead?
Client Examples in Action:
- Rescuer → Coach: My executive client stopped solving her team’s problems and started asking, “What support do you need to move forward?” Her team became more accountable, and she felt less drained.
- Victim → Creator: A nonprofit director overwhelmed by donor demands shifted from saying “I can’t” to “Here are my choices.” By delegating and setting clearer boundaries, she found energy and agency.
- Persecutor → Challenger: A manager who often micromanaged reframed her directness into clarity: “Here are the expectations, and here’s why they matter.” Her team respected her more, and she felt less guilty.
The Neuroscience of Practice:
Every time you pause, name the role, and choose differently, you strengthen the prefrontal cortex—the part of your brain responsible for decision-making, emotional regulation, and intentional behavior (Siegel, 2012). Over time, this rewiring reduces stress responses and creates a new default: empowerment instead of drama.
Reflection Prompt: This week, choose one relationship where you’ll practice this shift. Which role will you step out of, and which empowered role will you step into?
Stuck in the Drama Triangle? Let’s explore what is possible for you to break free. Take a Power Pause and bring your concrete example to Clara Lucia and experience a breakthrough in that relationship. Book your call now.